1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
