if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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