I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
