A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
