I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
