After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We are all done wearing pants today
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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