I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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