dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
