It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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