i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
