sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
