He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
