can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
