Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize