Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
