Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
