haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you would pick up someone in the library
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
