you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
