Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I touched a dick in church today
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
