i wish my penis had a tongue
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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