..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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