Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
