if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Your shirt... Was in my pants
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
