I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
