You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
