he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize