I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
