i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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