i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
