when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
