how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
