please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm both gender and math confused
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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