You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
