Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
