Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
whose parrot is this?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
