The maid of honor just puked.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
