DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
