i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
