just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
