life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
