SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
