You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
