you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
