Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
