I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
