She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
