Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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