i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
