And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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