You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
