This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize