Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
