Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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