it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
