woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
