They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
