I love black thongs
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
