The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
