She said her name was "party"
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
