Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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