Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize