Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
