what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
