The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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