lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
