1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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