something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
