Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize