Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
