and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
