Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Im part way to drunk.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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