under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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